||[Aug. 7th, 2011|01:10 pm]
The more tired and uninspired I get the more I feel the need to fill myself with other people's fantasies and stories. I eat up movies and books and TV shows. The more fantastical the better. Some times dystopian visions will do it, but for the best and most long-lasting charge I need happy endings.If there's no challenge or sadness it doesn't feel real, but I get plenty of despair from listening to the news or reading help wanted ads.
When did I lose track of my own dreams? I was great at imagining things back in third and fourth grade. Before I could properly write letters I was filling chapbooks with imaginative stories. Where has my creativity gone? Worst of all is trying to remember my dreams for my own life. I once had certainty I wanted to be an astronaut. I once had certainty that I wanted to be a marine biologist. Where is my certainty now?
I know I'm not going to find out that I am next in line to a throne in some obscure country. I know I will not grow up to guard Moroi as a powerful dhampir guardian. It is highly unlikely that meeting the love of my life will solve all of my problems even if it were to happen soon. Still these dreams give me the strength to keep eating and living even if just for a short while.